Wraps And Hoarding....

I enjoy watching a channel called TLC in the mornings when I´ve got time and this morning there was this show called Hoarding Buried Alive. You can see the episode I saw HERE. The link is only to the first part, you´ll be able to find part 2 and 3 on the side panel if you look. If you actually use the time to watch this you´ll be horrified....shocked....you simply will not have words for what you see. Another thing I felt was ANGER. I understand that people who have a hoarding problem have a psychological problem which usually is the basis for why they hoard, never the less, the husband in this episode had the possibility to get help for his wife and his children, however, he decided to move out- ALONE and not even take his children with him! He left his children in this nightmare. The mother is a classic victim. She is too "sick and weak" to do anything and constantly refers to how her children don´t do anything so why should she? She is too sick...I just....I have no words, you have to watch this if I´ve peaked your interest, it will totally shock you and leave you wondering how all those people who walked in and out of that house continued to allow those children to live there in those conditions? How those parents could allow their children to live in those conditions? You hear the father say the mother won´t allow the kids to move out and in with him because she would lose her benefits- well TO FREAKING BAD! Had I been that Dad I would have gotten those kids out of there!!! As disturbing as this is to watch, it´s a fact and an illness that effects hundreds and thousands of people. 


When I look at these kinds of shows I think, how in the world can they live like that? Don´t they notice the mess? However, when I looked up Hoarding on Google, I read under Wikpedia about the different types of hoarding and one thing caught my eye- book and newspaper hoarding. People who keep old magazines and newspapers and books and never get rid of them. *gulp*....I have tons of magazines around my house....I hate to throw them away because MAYBE I´d like to read them again someday???? *gulp*.....does this make me a hoarder too?*gulp*....ugh.....When I married the Captain I noticed a lot of trash around the house we lived at when we lived on Averøy. Apparently it wasn´t trash but things the Captain´s dad had found along the coastline or in junkyards and might possibly have a usage for later on....When I think about it, we have a lot of things around our place we really don´t need or use, but we don´t get rid of it....does that make us hoarders? I´m starting to get nervous when I think about it. Of course you can walk across my floors and the only thing you´ll stand on is the occasional fur ball but if you open the drawers of my cabinets or look in our storage rooms, we have tons of junk...which should probably be tossed but it´s not. Maybe we´re mild hoarders??? Oh my goodness...I´m feeling like a serious clean up is due when the Captain returns...*gulp*....


In the meantime while I ponder a future cleanup I´ll share tonight´s dinner with you. Salmon wraps. Have made this before and it´s basically the same...you add whatever veggies you´d like and I love to make my own tortillas, you can find the recipe in this post HERE. Tonight I cut the tortilla recipe in half since we are only three, so we each got 2 tortillas a piece which was plenty!  I bought a lovely filet of salmon which we had plenty of leftovers from, so I see a pasta dish with some salmon in our future ;-) My kids told me this is their favorite meal and Thomas announced tonight that whenever he gets his first date, this is the meal he will make the lucky lady who is with him! Now you KNOW this is good when he says something like that!!! To top off our dinner, some fresh watermelon....could it get better??? I think not!

Here is what I did. I bought a lovely salmon filet which was about 998 grams. Placed it skin side down in a baking dish and put some oil and margarine over the fish. Some roasted garlic pepper and a dash of sea salt. Stick this in the oven, which is pre-warmed to 200C (about 400F), do not cover it. Let it bake for about 15-20 minutes- follow along. I don´t really time it, but test the fish, salmon should be light pink, not dark pink- if she is dark pink, she is still raw. Let her cook a little longer, when she is light pink throughout she is done..and you take her out immediately. Then you have a juicy piece of fish which isn´t dry! I cheated the system and bought already pre-cut salad and pre-cut carrots and cabbage. So the only thing I had to cut up was red onion then opened a can of corn and got out some garlic dressing (in America, Ranch would work lovely with this). You put together your tortilla, veggies, fish and dressing and voila....dinner! 


Until next time my friends.....

Finally Some Food!!!

I haven´t done a food post in awhile because, well, I don´t know really? I think I´ve been trying to get my mind off of food, but I give up....hahahahaha....so here ya go, a long awaited food post. 


This was tonight´s dinner. I found this recipe HERE. This looked so good but I wasn´t sure if I could find all the ingredients here at my local grocery store and I was right...I couldn´t find spinach and I couldn´t find shitake mushrooms....so I used the sauce recipe but threw together my own veggies. I used carrots, chinese cabbage, broccoli, and spring onions. Otherwise I had everything else in the recipe. Oh- excuse me, I didn´t find the chinese noodles, so I bought spaghetti, worked just fine! I also used some roasted garlic pepper when I cooked up the meat and I used a few dashes of hot sauce just cause I like a kick in my oriental food.....

This was so good and when I asked my kids what they thought they were too busy stuffing their faces so all I got was a bunch of mumbling and thumbs up!!! hehehehe....that must be good right?


Bon Appetite my friends....until next time.....

Life Is About More Then Being A Mamma.....

Or is it? When Sarah moved out 2 weeks ago, I didn´t cry. This was the goal of every Mamma, to have her kids manage to fly out on their own and stand on their own two feet and here was my first born doing just that. Why in the world would I cry about something like that?? Maybe I could have shed a happy tear or two because I was so proud, but I think at the moment those would have been confused with sad tears because my kids, especially Sarah were very concerned how I would deal with this monumental moment in a Mamma´s life. So as Beara was shedding her tears, I stood there bravely hugging her and telling her it would be alright and we´d see her again soon. Admittedly watching her hug her siblings brought about a few tears that welled up in my eyes but I quickly wiped them away before anyone saw...I mean, they were "losing" someone also and I felt sad for them too....you´d have to be stone cold not to well a tear or two for that...

Sarah left and the last two weeks have gone surprisingly well. Life moves on and that is probably the greatest thing of all. You only get the chance to really dwell in sorrow if you choose to, but I didn´t choose too. I have two other kids still at home who need me and want me to to do things for them. I´ve had work and we´ve had visitors and the doggies...life just keeps going and it´s good. 


Then Beara (Sarah) came home this past weekend and seeing her was wonderful! We spent the Friday evening entertaining a dog friend who had come up to spend the night and go to the dog show with us the next day. It was like old times. Sarah was home, all my kids were under one roof, and we were going to dog shows!! hahahahaha!!! Saturday we went to the dog show way to bright and early and were the first ones in the ring, fifteen minutes later we were done but we didn´t leave the show area until about 3.5 hours later. Only to go a short distance and have some lunch with our friends and spend another couple hours. So that by the time we got home we were dead exhausted. We had a great day, loads of fun with great people, but the time I thought I´d be spending with just Sarah and my other two was gone. When we got home, no one wanted to talk,  just sprawl out on the couch and zone out to a good movie. 

Waking up Sunday and knowing that Beara was leaving that evening was hard. It hit me like a ton of bricks, she isn´t just on vacation down in Oslo, she has moved out. She has moved on...and I miss her. I miss her terribly. I know most parents love their kids....but I really love mine and I not only love them but I really like them too. They are so funny and interesting and  creative, daring, and caring, and did I mention funny?? Oh yeah...I did.. but it´s true, they make me laugh a lot and we always have a good time together. Maybe it´s wrong to think like this but as long as I have them I don´t really need anyone else, because my kids are my best friends and with them I can have a great time and not have the need for anyone else. I know a lot of people could begin to psycho analyze that and think I´m a nut and in desperate need of adult companionship...but it´s just been that way....me and the kids for close to 20 years now...when I lived on Averøy and didn´t really have anyone close to me...I had them. My family was an ocean away and my husband was out to sea. I felt alone a lot but I had my little buddies at home who entertained me and kept me company. When we moved here they needed me as much as I needed them because none of us knew anyone...so we connected even more. I´m not saying we are a reclusive family with no outside friends...of course we have friends outside of our family....but my kids are right smack dab in the middle of my heart and my number one choice if I want to do something with people closest to me. 


However, when Sarah got on that train yesterday and headed back to her home....I started thinking, someday, they will all do that. Someday they will all come for a visit and then leave again and I´ll someday be alone (when the Captain is out to sea). Oh that thought brings tears to my eyes but thankfully you can´t see me crying...and I can chin up and wipe the tears away and pretend to be a lot stronger then I probably actually am....because I know I have to be strong. I know life has to be about more then just being a Mamma.....

Right?

I know I will always be their mamma and they will always need me but their need will change drastically over the next years and it´s a learning process to go from a 24/7 Mamma to a Mamma-on-call. Granted, my two youngest will still keep me as a 24/7 Mamma for awhile yet, but that day is coming and quicker then I´d like I´m sure. I have to use these next years to start thinking what do I want to do with my life, for me? Not just what activities can I do that could include my kids...but just me...what else is there in life besides being a Mamma? 

When people joke with me that I should have another baby, I respond by saying life is more then just having babies and being a mamma...and so obviously somewhere deep inside me I know this to be true or I wouldn´t say it, but don´t ask me what that life evolves around just yet....I´m still figuring that out.....

I would love to hear what other Mammas whose babies have left the nest have discovered about life after being a 24/7 Mamma. Feel free to leave a comment below. 

Until next time my friends.....

Beautiful Things In My Garden On A Rainy Day...

Thanks to all of you who came with kind words of encouragement and advice. I´m really finding the biggest challenge is the head work I have to do. I truly believe the keys to success at weight loss and beating any bad habit lie within your head. A normal human knows right from wrong, good from bad but we don´t always make the right choices. Why is that ya think? Why do we purposely choose wrong or bad when we know we shouldn´t? Can anyone answer that?

While you´re contemplating the question above I´m going to share some photos from my garden with you. I hope you´ll like them.....

My flowers aren´t the only beautiful things in my garden.....there is this guy.....

Jackson will be moving to the middle of Norway, to a place a little north of Trondheim. He will be living with people who had his grandfather once upon a time. They are going to have him stay for a month and if all goes well he will stay forever. It´s hard to think about saying goodbye...but it´s the best for Jackson. He isn´t suffering living here, but his life could be so much better in a home where he doesn´t have to compete with another male. Jackson thinks he´s much more suited for alpha male position then his buddy Bently. Problem is Bently doesn´t necessarily agree with that. For the most part they are still buddies but there is a tension in the air which isn´t good for either of them. So I am going to hope with all my heart that Jackson will enjoy his life in Trønderlag. I am sure I will see a lot of him as the family he will be going too love to show dogs and have a lot of get togethers with other leo people and they post lots of photos after their get togethers on facebook. Plus I am sure if sister Carma comes this way for a show that Jackson and his new family might come along also....so there will be chances for more kisses and hugs in the future also...so how can I be sad?

I´ll still have 3 more of these running around.....

And one of these....

And a couple of these....

I am sure they will keep me busy and in constant supply of wet kisses and lots of snuggles...

Raise your hands if you think a wet kiss and snuggle from this little guy would be nice....

Yeah.....I agree ;-)))

Until next time my friends....

I Was Standing At The Edge....

Here I am in all my glory about to tell you about a journey that I wouldn´t wish on anyone but for some of us is an absolute must to take. A journey which sometimes leads us down different paths but ultimately the goal is to get to the same place. What place is that? A place where you feel comfortable in your own skin, where your health is in top condition, and you´re happy with how you live every day. A journey that seems sometimes impossible for those of us with lots of baggage (weight) to carry. And yet....some do arrive in the place of satisfaction in life and are there forever while others get there and enjoy it for a short while only to wake up one day and find themselves back at the beginning of the journey and wondering if they really are up to heading down that path again or trying to find ways to get through the journey as quick as possible. 


Oh...this is good writing, isn´t it? I mean...sounds so philosophical and correct but you´re probably asking yourself, "what the hell does she mean?" Well, if you didn´t catch the hint with the word, weight, in that paragraph then I´ll tell you it has to do with my weight and my unhappiness with the bad decisions I am making in my life these days.


It has to do with my thoughts, around the possibility of getting a gastric sleeve operation, which I have had the last week. I almost had myself completely convinced that this was exactly what I needed. I was so convinced that I was doing my best to convince everyone else around me, since I had pretty much convinced myself, all I needed was everyone else to be convinced and that seemed to support my own feelings. And yet, anyone who knows me, knows that I analyze and analyze some more. I think....I decide...then I change my mind...and this process can go on and on until I finally make a decision and stick with it. I almost never jump into something and certainly never light heartedly. If I do something, I try and do what I have concluded is the best and I try and do it with all my heart. If I can´t give all of me, then I question whether it´s the right decision and when I woke up this morning I realized I wasn´t able to give all of me to this decision. 


A quick trip to the doctor this morning to check the results of my blood pressure test I took yesterday (Went around with a blood pressure machine all day and night and it recorded my blood pressure at various intervals) and my other blood tests the doctor took earlier revealed that yes, while being morbidly obese, I am otherwise a pretty healthy chick. 

A little nutty....but healthy......


I discussed with my doctor what she felt I should do and she felt I wasn´t ready for the operation. She said I was young enough and healthy enough internally that I could keep trying the old fashioned way for another two years and see how things go. If by two years I am not able to get my weight down and keep it down, then we will definitely look at the operation. 


I tell ya, I was so giddy after she said that...I was extremely HAPPY! I felt like I had been standing at the edge ready to jump and everyone was around me trying to be supportive telling me it would be fine and they´d be there for me and I needed to do what was best for me and what I really wanted was for someone to stop me from jumping off the edge and my doctor gave me "her hand" and rescued me. Gave me hope that maybe I wasn´t ready to jump, I wasn´t at the end of my rope...that there is another alternative and a belief in myself that I seriously think I lost. 


Immediately after my appointment I was so tired...I had used so much energy to think and research and try to decide if the operation was the way for me, that I didn´t want to think about it anymore. I didn´t want to talk about it...and the embarrassing part is I had told several people of my plans and felt an immediate need to apologize and explain that I had yet again changed my mind and then explain WHY I had changed my mind and so on and so on. 


Then I started thinking how angry I am at myself. How frustrated I am that exactly this subject has to be so irritatingly and frustratingly difficult. I am angry because I otherwise think of myself as a pretty smart person. Not a genius by any means but an average bear...I know not to jump in front of moving cars...I know to not swim on a full belly, I know that playing with guns is dangerous. I know how to keep myself safe from harm...but I don´t know how to keep my body healthy and safe from harm internally. I may not play with guns but let me tell you....a handful of gummy bears and a big glass of Pepsi Max to wash them down with can be just as dangerous as those guns in the long run. That extra sauce I just HAVE to have on my beef or the extra slice of pizza because, hey...let´s face it..I make damn good pizza...those things won´t kill me immediately but they will certainly get me in the end. So WHYYYYYYYY do I see that and NOT react? 


Then I started thinking that I think the biggest thing with weight loss and health in general is up in your head...the bridge of my ship if you will.....where the decisions are made...that is where I need to focus making the most change. 

Starting off with being realistic. I am not 18 anymore...lovely as that time was and skinny as I was then....I am not there anymore. I think I have a chance to get back close to that point body wise, but my body has been through three child births since I was 18....so getting back to exactly that point is important to realize, highly unlikely. I also think if I use as much time and effort understanding why I put food into my mouth and exercising, as I did trying to research how life would be without 75% of my stomach I might be off to a good start also. 


As you can tell I´ve been struggling with what to blog about lately. Hence the silence. Perhaps I´ll use my blog in the weeks and months to come to follow this new journey I´m setting out on..so you can see what I find out along the way...maybe some of it will inspire or help those of you thinking of starting out on your own journey? Maybe we can take it together? For those of you who are lucky to be at the place of satisfaction and look like you´re staying there, your words of encouragement along my journey will be greatly appreciated. 

Until next time my friends....