Silence

 Let me start by saying, life is pretty good these days....my weight is slowly going down, I feel really at peace with the whole process. My biggest challenge is the exercise because....I admit it, I´m lazy. If I could lose weight without the exercise I would do that...but I understand fully it´s a package deal...so I´m doing my best. The food part is easy. I´m having a blast finding healthy things to eat which aren´t just salads! So in this area of my life, things are great!

The Captain also came home recently which is also wonderful! Nothing like absence to make the heart grow fonder and we certainly get enough time apart so fondness is never a problem! Kinda like newlyweds each time we´re together only with the added benefit of the safe feeling of a long time relationship which just gets stronger for every day. 

I can´t get into details but there are areas of my life which are bothering me greatly...areas with which I feel I can´t say anything and yet I want to scream my discontent on the highest mountain....

In some ways these problem areas aren´t really anything I can do about, which makes them even harder to deal with. I´m just having to learn to deal with them and it´s not easy because I disagree with so many aspects of these problem areas and yet don´t feel I have a voice...

I sometimes feel like I´m alone in how I feel, even though I know that many others could probably relate...if only I could speak about my problems...but I can´t....

I´m not trying to be mysterious or make anyone think that I can´t function in my daily life because I have these issues that bother me. I would love to talk about how I´m feeling openly but sometimes by law you can´t publicly give details about certain things..I´m just trying to talk publicly about something that I feel forced to keep silent about...and it often comes out sounding very ominous...

Like many mothers out there, I feel a lot of times like I´m doing everything I can to keep my head above water....

Overwhelmed by all the responsibilities, the endless tasks, the constant dependency it feels the world has upon you...the never feeling you can really think of yourself because you need to be somewhere, do something, be something, help someone....never ending...and yet you can´t complain...it´s how life is...you just have to keep riding the ride....

Sometimes I feel like running away....to places where I don´t know anyone...where I don´t feel any responsibility, where no one expects anything from me because they don´t know me....where no one can find me.....

Of course it´s not realistic, but I often say I understand the beauty of the life of a Gypsy...just wandering, without any roots, without any bonds holding you in one place...like waves on an ocean...constantly moving...and never bound....

Sometimes I wish I could speak my mind. Inside I have a million opinions about things but I keep silent...

I think there are a lot of people out there, who keep silent, rather then open their mouth about things and say how they feel. I don´t think I´m alone in that aspect. But it´s frustrating. All the things you want to speak your opinion about eat you up from the inside...

People say, honesty is the best policy...but do they really mean it? People say they want to hear the truth, that getting things out on the table is best...but is it really? I think people want to hear the truth if it´s rosy sweet and wonderful but not if it´s critical in any way. I hear people say they want to hear the truth no matter what and when they hear it, they smile, go their way and then bitch behind closed doors about what they heard. They didn´t want to hear the truth...they wanted the rosy version of the truth....or just plain silence...

I´ve seen this all too many times to think any differently, even though I constantly live in hope that someday I will be surrounded by people who can handle the truth...even if it´s not packaged in a pink ribbon with sugar on top....

How do you deal with things that bother you, with which you feel you have no power to do anything about? That sits inside you and eat you up from the inside? How do you turn a negative into a positive even if the object you hope to change, never really changes?? 

Until I´ve figured out the answers to those questions, I just enjoy the silence...try and block out what I can´t change or do anything about and appreciate the moment....

I want to ask you to not read this and feel like I´m in dire straights here in the woods...I have stuff on my mind. I have stuff that bothers me. I have stuff I hate but can´t do anything about. I have responsibilities and things I wish I could run away from. Who doesn´t experience any of the above or all? But life goes on, you go on, I go on...we learn how to deal with things sometimes just by going through them. Sometimes there is no answer. Sometimes there is no advice that can help, you just have to experience it and act in the moment...but everything moves forward...whether we like it or not...

I wish you all a wonderful weekend....until next time my friends....
(ps- all the beautiful photos you see in this post are borrowed from the internet. The Captain will get my computer fixed soon so I can start uploading my own photos..until then I´m a borrower..)