Life Is About More Then Being A Mamma.....

Or is it? When Sarah moved out 2 weeks ago, I didn´t cry. This was the goal of every Mamma, to have her kids manage to fly out on their own and stand on their own two feet and here was my first born doing just that. Why in the world would I cry about something like that?? Maybe I could have shed a happy tear or two because I was so proud, but I think at the moment those would have been confused with sad tears because my kids, especially Sarah were very concerned how I would deal with this monumental moment in a Mamma´s life. So as Beara was shedding her tears, I stood there bravely hugging her and telling her it would be alright and we´d see her again soon. Admittedly watching her hug her siblings brought about a few tears that welled up in my eyes but I quickly wiped them away before anyone saw...I mean, they were "losing" someone also and I felt sad for them too....you´d have to be stone cold not to well a tear or two for that...

Sarah left and the last two weeks have gone surprisingly well. Life moves on and that is probably the greatest thing of all. You only get the chance to really dwell in sorrow if you choose to, but I didn´t choose too. I have two other kids still at home who need me and want me to to do things for them. I´ve had work and we´ve had visitors and the doggies...life just keeps going and it´s good. 


Then Beara (Sarah) came home this past weekend and seeing her was wonderful! We spent the Friday evening entertaining a dog friend who had come up to spend the night and go to the dog show with us the next day. It was like old times. Sarah was home, all my kids were under one roof, and we were going to dog shows!! hahahahaha!!! Saturday we went to the dog show way to bright and early and were the first ones in the ring, fifteen minutes later we were done but we didn´t leave the show area until about 3.5 hours later. Only to go a short distance and have some lunch with our friends and spend another couple hours. So that by the time we got home we were dead exhausted. We had a great day, loads of fun with great people, but the time I thought I´d be spending with just Sarah and my other two was gone. When we got home, no one wanted to talk,  just sprawl out on the couch and zone out to a good movie. 

Waking up Sunday and knowing that Beara was leaving that evening was hard. It hit me like a ton of bricks, she isn´t just on vacation down in Oslo, she has moved out. She has moved on...and I miss her. I miss her terribly. I know most parents love their kids....but I really love mine and I not only love them but I really like them too. They are so funny and interesting and  creative, daring, and caring, and did I mention funny?? Oh yeah...I did.. but it´s true, they make me laugh a lot and we always have a good time together. Maybe it´s wrong to think like this but as long as I have them I don´t really need anyone else, because my kids are my best friends and with them I can have a great time and not have the need for anyone else. I know a lot of people could begin to psycho analyze that and think I´m a nut and in desperate need of adult companionship...but it´s just been that way....me and the kids for close to 20 years now...when I lived on Averøy and didn´t really have anyone close to me...I had them. My family was an ocean away and my husband was out to sea. I felt alone a lot but I had my little buddies at home who entertained me and kept me company. When we moved here they needed me as much as I needed them because none of us knew anyone...so we connected even more. I´m not saying we are a reclusive family with no outside friends...of course we have friends outside of our family....but my kids are right smack dab in the middle of my heart and my number one choice if I want to do something with people closest to me. 


However, when Sarah got on that train yesterday and headed back to her home....I started thinking, someday, they will all do that. Someday they will all come for a visit and then leave again and I´ll someday be alone (when the Captain is out to sea). Oh that thought brings tears to my eyes but thankfully you can´t see me crying...and I can chin up and wipe the tears away and pretend to be a lot stronger then I probably actually am....because I know I have to be strong. I know life has to be about more then just being a Mamma.....

Right?

I know I will always be their mamma and they will always need me but their need will change drastically over the next years and it´s a learning process to go from a 24/7 Mamma to a Mamma-on-call. Granted, my two youngest will still keep me as a 24/7 Mamma for awhile yet, but that day is coming and quicker then I´d like I´m sure. I have to use these next years to start thinking what do I want to do with my life, for me? Not just what activities can I do that could include my kids...but just me...what else is there in life besides being a Mamma? 

When people joke with me that I should have another baby, I respond by saying life is more then just having babies and being a mamma...and so obviously somewhere deep inside me I know this to be true or I wouldn´t say it, but don´t ask me what that life evolves around just yet....I´m still figuring that out.....

I would love to hear what other Mammas whose babies have left the nest have discovered about life after being a 24/7 Mamma. Feel free to leave a comment below. 

Until next time my friends.....