In The Worst Times….

It’s been about 3.5 months since my mother passed away. My life is moving forward, of course it is….that is what life does…it doesn’t slow down for anything…it keeps moving forward which can be both positive and negative. Thankfully the millions of things going on in my life keep me from constantly thinking of my mom, but every now and then in the moments of quietness I think of her. I try hard not too, but I see her photo, her beautiful smile and I think of her soft skin, her wonderful smell (I smelled my mom yes, I admit that) her sometimes irritating but always witty humour, and the way she was always there and now she isn’t.  I miss talking to her. She said to me once that she talked to her dad and her grandmother even though they were gone…but I always blew her off when she said that because it wasn’t the same thing as talking to someone directly and getting feedback. And it isn’t…I try and talk to my mom sometimes but I get so angry that I can’t hear her answering me. I want to hear her voice again. My dad has her voice on their answering machine and I’ve called it a couple times to hear her voice, but I’d love to hear her say something else then just, “We’re not home right now, leave a message and we’ll call you back.” But it’s better then nothing, right?

One of my favourite poems of all times is Footprints In The Sand. I’m not a die hard religious person but I have my faith, whatever that might be and I like to believe this poem is true, it’s a comfort to know that during the hardest times in our lives someone is there carrying us and helping us through…

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
...Mary Stevenson

I’ve now found this poem in song form, sung by the beautiful and heavenly blessed talent Leona Lewis

I’m glad life goes on, I’m glad that I’m being carried through these tough times, it makes it easier to deal with the dark moments in life when you know you aren’t alone. My mother will always be missed and always be a part of my heart and I’m the luckiest kid in the world to have had her as my mom and my friend…