Continuing The Battle….

I’m not very good at sticking with things.  I get off to a great start usually and I can hang in there awhile but in the long run I lose interest, find excuses, and just lose the desire to make an effort. This concerns several aspects of my life and it’s one of the things that irritates me most about myself. It’s really a horrible thing noticing your faults and not willing to do anything about it. For me it’s easier to care about other people more then myself and it’s easier to be lazy and not make an effort then always making an effort and having to stick with something all the time. Again it really is one of the worst things about myself and I REALLY want to change but obviously I haven’t wanted it enough…until now????

Last night I took Julia and Thomas to Hamar after work. We did some shopping and had a nice time overall. Thomas got a totally COOL skateboard- nothing from the toy store this is the real McCoy..1800kroner worth of real McCoy…I have no idea why a wooden board and some wheels and such are worth that much but he got what he wanted for his birthday and that was most important. Julia found an outfit for a party she is going to tonight and I needed something also as I’m going to the local cafe/pub tonight with some friends to hear live music and just be social. They will be drinking, I’m going to drive myself- so I’ll just enjoy myself with a light cola or something..I’m more into being social then being drunk so it’s fine. But finding something to wear was HORRIBLE. First I was wearing my jeans and hiking boots and an old grey wool sweater over my t-shirt that I had on at work. My hair is long and just hangs there and I’m sick of it..I kept looking at myself in those three way mirrors and feeling HORRIBLE. Everything I tried on looked ridiculous on me, my boobs are huge and droopy, my gut is flabby and gooey…ugh…my arse….Lord, I just never think about exactly HOW big it is until I got a look at it in the three way mirror…uff..Just felt SOOO horrible yesterday. So what to do?? Well, I managed to lose weight once upon a time when I was on the Scandinavian Biggest Loser show..so I KNOW I have it in me to do it again…but it takes a lot of effort and it takes being egotistical…you HAVE to think of yourself- put you first…and that isn’t easy for me. But I HAVE too…

I don’t want to make this a diet blog- but it’s part of the whole me…so you get that part too folks…not just the baking and fur balls…but the big arse and droopy boobs too…YES, I want to look good in clothing but I think at this point it’s also about health. I want to live a long time, I want to stay young looking, I want to be there for my grandkids and to enjoy my later years with the Captain and see the world. I have so many plans but I’m not taking care of myself and risking not being around or not being able to enjoy things later..I haven’t always been big but I’ve had the genes to become big..and once the kids were in the picture being the good mamma I am, I put them and everyone else first and me last…and the results are noticeable. When I lost weight I couldn’t see the person I had become. I still saw the fat lady I was. It wasn’t until I looked at photos later once I gained a lot of the weight back that I said, HEY…I wasn’t bad looking!!! But the mind is a very tricky thing.

I remember the night this photo was taken- the final night of the show. After Norway walked away with the best team prize Tove (to the right in the photo) and I and our partners were walking around Stockholm and went into a 7-Eleven and bought ourselves a bag of mixed candies and went back to our hotel room and ate candy!!!! Celebrating that we were done with the show!!! That in itself says that we weren’t mentally where we should be in our weight loss journey. And just as an alcoholic can’t stop with one sip of the sinful pleasures…neither can a once overweight person do with the sinful pleasures either..and it snow balled from this night to this point.

So today it begins for me folks…if I drop comments about losing weight, exercising, etc in my blog- just hang with me, I’m going to try and keep this about various things and not just a diet blog. I’ll also post some updates (in a very general way- for example- lost___ kilos this week…and so on.) and that can motivate me to know you all are following along with me. It helped last time when I was thinking about all the people who would be waiting to see my progress on the show…so maybe it will help this time too??

Have a great weekend folks…I’m off to the gym. Tomorrow we’re having a birthday party here with about 14 boys for three hours…FUN FUN FUN…

Until Next time…