Thanksgiving 2008

Thankful: Feeling or expressing thanks; Grateful. Every year we would go around the table at Thanksgiving and say what we were thankful for. I must admit since living in Norway my celebration of this holiday has been less and less for every year. This year I made chicken and dumplings for dinner and a salad. My reasoning was we were still eating a bird and it made sense and took less time then the classic Thanksgiving dinner. I think if we had more family around us who celebrated this holiday I would make a bigger deal but this isn't a common holiday here and it's just not the same to celebrate when no one else is...

But I am thankful...my mother is terminally ill. Last year at this time I was in the states sitting with my dad at St. Paul's hospital in Dallas while my mother was in intensive care there. Our Thanksgiving dinner last year was at Denny's- it was the only place open when we finally left the hospital to get dinner. We didn't know if my mother would be around at Christmas and no one felt like celebrating much. My mother, however, is a very strong person with an even stronger will to live, despite being completely bed ridden and 100% dependent on help for everything, she still fights to stay alive every day. When I left last year a week before Christmas, the doctor had told my mother she had 6 months to live...6 months came and went and she is still here...and here we are almost a year later after she got that death notice from her doctor and she is still here, still with us...for this I am thankful. We still don't know how long we have with her but we are thankful for every day. It's not been easy being so far away from her during this time in her life, but at the same time I am "thankful" I am not witnessing her illness first hand. Sometimes it's better to remember someone for how they were then how they are, especially under an illness. It was enough to see the changes in my mother last year and my dad says she has changed even more since I last saw her. So I am thankful that I do not have to witness her fading away to nothing. I'd rather remember her as the strong woman with the never aging face and STRONG opinions. This might be weird, but I can smell her perfume in a shop and close my eyes and she is right there in front of me...my mother had impeciable taste in everything and despite her large size she always dressed very classy and took care of herself. I'm talking about her like she is gone....and in some ways the mom I knew is gone. The mourning process has been drawn out with this illness. I occasionally talk to her on the phone, but she is too tired for long conversations, so the conversation is usually simple- confirmations that we love each other and miss each other and a half hearted "how are you?" knowing full well the answer already I just want to hear her tell me herself how she is.

It's very clichè to write this but remember to live life to the fullest, don't wait for perfect moments- make perfect moments, cherish your loved ones, let them know you love them- TODAY....don't wait...you never know if tomorrow will come, right now is what counts not yesterday or tomorrow...now. Be thankful for "now" moments...

I'll leave you with a sunset photo I took outside our home the other night...the sky was on fire..really breathtaking. Happy Thanksgiving folks..